Back at one I found my self chasing waterfalls in the form of a big booty and a smile. Yeah i was just a scrub feenin. But what was I to do, I walked for 2 1/2 years after end of the road, and I still couldn’t let go.
Lonely, I found my self throwing bills, bills, bills at Ms. Poison, the star of the show. She knew how to get it and go back, back, forth and forth. We had a good business relationship and I didn’t see anything wrong with paying for a bump and grind lap dance. But, I wanted more.
At 7 O’Clock on the dot on a nice and slow night I asked, can we talk for a minute? I said, tell me if you want me to…give you all my time, I promise to be good to you. She said her time was money but, I was willing to pay.
As she danced and I was feeling on her booty, I asked her a little sumthin-sumthin. She said she was just waiting to exhale like every other girl. Said, she didn’t know what real love was but, heard that’s just the way love goes. Dancing was on the down low, her little secret and no one needs to see it.
I Asked, is this where you want to be? She said, can’t you see, you and me are from different places. When a woman’s fed up and twisted in the rain, she has to find a way to g.h.e.t.t.o.u.t.
As song #3 began…
I gave her another way and said, let’s get married. She responded coldly, what’s so different? Don’t take it personal but, when the water runs dry I’ll be begging you to unbreak my heart, while living at the heartbreak hotel and singing I’m going down. And, if I ever fall in love again it wouldn’t be with someone like you.
Wondering if she’s playing hard to get I said, the difference is Cupid! Like 90’s R&B I know what real love is. Do you remember the time? Real love is about only you, being weak in the knees, best friends, dreamlovers, and baby I promise to be with you so why would I let this thing go. It’s about the first night, where you are so anxious, and there is no such thing as being too close.
She said I was, killing me softly with his song. By now I knew her body’s calling for me. She said she was so in to me. You’re making me high. Are I that somebody, she asked? I said, lady I will cry for you tonight and even tomorrow. Tell me what you want, tell me what you need. With a blank “untitled” look on her face she asked, how does it feel. I asked, what? She said, Love…is it a sweet fantasy? Tell me it’s real.
Not to brag but, my love is the shhhh! When I love you mean the world to me, I call you my baby-baby-baby, and there is no ex-factor because he can’t love you like I love you.
She said, can you come over and show me how deep is your love for me? If you show me this love, I will even waive my extra fee. I said, you make me wanna….then I paused…because the walk back to the end of the road alone would be a lost cause.
I know she is poison, and they say not to trust her. But this is 90’s R&B love, you know SWV, Mariah, and Usher.
He doesnt give you what you want, I do
But, the words you said to him were, “I do”
Marriage is not what you thought it was, I understand I do
So late nights you visit me pretending we said, “I do”
Secret lovers we are, I admit I do
Confused you come and ask if I love and I say, “Baby, I do!”
I do love u. You cant change my heart or what I do
Patiently I wait for you, I do
Hoping that you leave him, I do
But the cycle continues and you always go back, you do
I’m not eloquent with words, I am just heart broken
I don’t have a lot to say, I just have a lot tears
I am not wise, I’ve just made a lot of mistakes
I don’t have experience, I just repeat mistakes
I am not funny, my life is just a joke
I don’t have good analogies, I just tell my truth
I am not poetic, my heart just speaks
I am not lyrical, my life is just a sad song
I am not hurt, I am just dying
This is not a hobby, it’s just a chore
It’s not art, it’s just relief
I don’t want to, I just have too
It doesn’t make me happy, It just keeps me sane
I’m not happy to, I’m just too depressed not to
It’s not a blessing, it’s just a curse
Please don’t wish you could, if you really knew you just never would
Yeah I can love her again, but I would regret it
Sure I could love her but, I was rejected
So I forget it
So I leave it
So I let it rot and hope flies come eat it
She knows it
She sees it
But, she thinks I’m the same
Not today bitch, I’m winning this game
If only I had a gun you know where I would aim
… But that would be too easy
Im here to torture, I want to hear you scream
Im after you in your nightmares, im killing your dreams
This is not just hate, this is revenge
Now its my turn to get on top and ascend
I don’t care where you end up now
I don’t care if you die
Don’t even care about your son
… and that used to be my guy
Fuck your goals, fuck pride
Fuck your shit, Fuck this ride
I’m going to make sure that you don’t have a single thing
…and when you cry, it’s going to sound like angels sing
Fuck being the bettter man
I rather hate you all I can
Right up to the edge of insanity
Hoping that you never again feel vanity
Because your soul is cold and your heart is dark
You killed my dreams, kidnapped heart
Revenge is joy
Revenge is sweet
Oh, here you come now dragging your fucking feet
What do you have to say?
What lie will you tell?
She says, “Im sorry I know I belong in hell”
“You’ve done so much for me, In love I wish I would’ve fell”
“But I used you and drained you dry… “, as she leans on me and starts to cry…
Then I start to cry and realize that im stuck in this trap
Instead of avoiding it I just layed down in crap
Then rolled in it over and over
Shaking my head because I know it’s not over
It felt good to hate but, love is not easy to quit
Becareful who you love, she’ll have you trained like a dog, “SIT!”
Can you love someone who is not there,
who leaves you alone and does not care?
Can you love someone who is far away,
you ask them home but they will not stay?
Can you love someone who treats you bad,
and all the while they make you sad?
Can you love someone who doesn’t need you,
who doesn’t want your love, and doesn’t have a clue?
Can you love someone without saying a word,
they don’t even know or hear what others have heard?
Can you love someone who your friends don’t like,
they tell you to step away, but you put up a fight?
Can you love someone completely for what they are,
not just the idea of their money, job, or car?
Can you love someone of a another race,
even when your family feels he’s a disgrace?
Can you love someone who is dying of AIDS,
slowly away, you know they will fade?
Can you love someone who has no soul,
who’s heart is as hard and dark as a coal?
Can you love someone with a child or two,
knowing that their priority will never be you?
Can you love someone if they’re stuck in jail,
25 to life, you communicate by mail?
You can, because I have
You will, because I did.
You love someone because love tells you to
and sometimes because you want love too
Love is not fixed, flat, straight, simple or direct
It can confuse, craze and even distress
When you do find love remember to respect it,
Or you’ll be writing a poem about how you got rejected
When love does come your way love it like you have nothing else. Throw away your past fears and experiences. Remember your mistakes but, try to forget anything that holds you back. It’s the only way to love and the right way to love.
I’m not about that safe love. I’m not with that inhibited and fearful love. I’m with that love were passion is at the maximum and your emotions are full throttle. Where you are lost in love and nothing else matters.
Love them so much that it hurts. Love them so much that you smile for no reason. Text them even when you have nothing to say. Call them and ask what they are doing when you already know what the hell they are doing. Don’t think…feel.
Celebrate your anniversary monthly. Remember the first kiss and save shit. When you hold hands don’t let go. Call them baby, honey, papi, or what ever else comes out during sex.
Love them jealously. Love them even if you’re not ready. Love them irrationally with your heart on fire. Love them more than yourself. Love them even when your friends and family says no. Love them into debt. Love like a fool…move, quit your job, and drop out of school. Have baby-making sex… don’t wait for the results of the test.
Because if you don’t I’m next … and I will. I bet then you wished that you loved to kill.