How to turn your side-chick into your Valentine.

Posted on: February 8, 2012

Now why one would ever want to turn their side-chick into their Valentine-Chick is anyone’s guess. But, we here at Not The Donny are not here to pass judgement or ask questions. We are here to provide answers and solutions. So, let’s just move on to helping you do the inevitable in the these easy to follow steps:

Step 1 – The Alibi 

First of all you need to find an alibi and a way to distract your main-chick. Sending her flowers and claiming to have to work late is an effective and commonly used maneuver. You may also make up a story about a fake family tradition you have with your mother, where you spend every Valentine’s day with her. Use your imagination, be creative and keep your alibi feasible. 

Step 2The Proposal

Now that your  main-chick is distracted, you must figure out how to go about proposing this promotional  idea to your side-chick. This step can be fast and easy depending on the relationship dynamics involved. Side-chicks generally have an innate need to feel and be treated as if they were someone’s main-chick, so asking her to be your Valentine usually wont be a big problem. But, a major problem arises when your side-chick has a main-dude, which makes you the side-dude.  If you are a side-dude complete Step 2B. If you are not a side-dude you may venture on to step 3.

Step 2B – The Cock Block

The bad connotation of cock blocking is extremely overrated. Cock blocking is merely two or more people aggressively competing for the same thing. Everyone does it, and everyone has had it happen to them. But, there are cock blocking etiquette rules that should be followed in order to make the cock blocker not seen insecure, jealous, or desperate.

Etiquette rule #1, don’t put down the competing cock (in this case the Main-Dude). This makes you seem childish and immature. Simply state what you have to offer that the other person can not and why you are a better person. Etiquette rule #2, Do not use material items such as cars and jewelry when blocking the other cock.  This makes you seem shallow and makes you sound like a rap song. Etiquette rule #3, confidence is everything. When blocking, don’t look down at your feet and twiddle your fingers. Look at your side-chick directly in the eyes, speak with confidence, and don’t spit on her. Following these rules should increase your cock-blocking percentage by at least 85%.

Step 3 – The Rendezvous 

Now that the hard part is done, you must now figure out where the clandestine rendezvous will take place. Remember just because your main-chick is thoroughly distracted doesn’t mean her nosey friends are. Thus, you must choose a rendezvous where you will not be recognized by anyone. Its best to do some research before hand and strike up a conversation with your main-chick about what her close friends are doing for Valentine’s Day. If that is not feasible, finding an unpopular, quiet place, in another city is best. To your date, you can attribute the unpopularity to it being brand new, it being quiet to being romantic, and it being in another city as being adventurous.

Taking side-chicks to main-chick type events are generally not recommended. But, you may find that in this case it is quite possible that things will work out because side-chicks are generally easier to please because of their lower-standards.

9 Responses to "How to turn your side-chick into your Valentine."

Hahahahah! You guys really did. Oh man, that’s the reason why girls like me do the psycho ass shit we do.

Hmmm, then that will be my next blog…”Things psycho side-chicks do”…lol

Haha, no your next post should be “What to do when your main check comes and beats your ass when she sees you with your side boo.” Funny, I just finished watching Two Can Play that Game.


Reblogged this on My Weblog.

Never knew there was an ‘etiquette’ to cock-blocking…very educational.

Question though…what happens when the side-chick confuses things and starts thinking she’s the main-chick (since you just spent your Valentine’s day with her)?

HAhahahahahahahahahahah omg this whole post had me laughing fo realz. Hilarious.

Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it. More crazy ish to come

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