NotTheDonny

The Core of Trust Issues.

Posted on: February 23, 2012

Let’s get straight to the point. By definition trust issues is the lack of trust a person has in a relationship. Many of us Lovers have trust issues. Only few of us know how to deal with it and conquer it.

This lack of trust is generally developed from a past negative experience with trust. The key to conquering trust issues is to first realizing that the issue is within us, and not in our partner. So we must first deal with our inner emotions that create this feeling of lack of trust. Rather than deal with our inner emotions, most of us will turn to our partner and for example say, “Hey, I have trust issues so don’t cheat on me.” But, whether or not our partner cheats on us will not necessarily affect our inner emotions and the way we feel. It is ideal for us to only have trust issues when we rationally suspect, or have experienced, infidelity in our relationship. Trust issues in a relationship becomes problematic when there is no infidelity, or when trust issues prevent us from committing to a relationship, especially with some deserving person.

Trust issues itself is not an emotion. It is a thought that we have. But, trust issues is developed from negative emotions. For most of us we develop trust issues because we are SCARED (an emotion). We are scared to be cheated on, and scared to trust another person. Breaking it down even further, we are scared because we have been HURT (another emotion). Some of us have been hurt from infidelity in a previous relationship, or maybe have felt the trauma from our parents or close friends who have experience infidelity.

This emotional hurt is the core emotion that we must conquer and resolve in order to be able to regain our our trust in our romantic partners. How we go about doing this is  not so simple. Depending on each Lover’s personal experience, personality, and temperament there are many different courses to take. Some examples will be given in a later blog. The importance here, and what was hopefully learned, is that our issues are truly our very own and not anyone else’s. To look to someone else for answers is to look in the wrong place. As tough and as  vulnerable as it may make us feel, we must look deep within ourselves and almost relive the hurt in order to move on. Rather than putting up our defenses and simply deflecting the hurt with a closed door, we must invite it in, sit with it, and talk to it. It is not until we come to a complete understanding of this hurt, that we may then consciously ask it to leave and thus be free from it.

Lovers we each have the capacity within ourselves to overcome our own trust issues.

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