I broke up with them because: they didn’t know how to kiss

Posted on: March 7, 2012

“I broke up with them because…” is Not The Donny’s new blog series that will delve into various factors that contributed to a breakup. In this inaugural article, I broke up with them because they  didn’t know how to kiss.

Kissing is important. So important that Philematologists (people who study kissing) have created an area of science called philematology to study it. Kissing is seemingly simple yet it can communicate many different things and can evoke many different emotions. The way we kiss someone let’s them know how much we care for them and how close, and intimate we feel. Kissing can evoke feelings of love, passion, or sex.  Some lovers think that kissing is overrated and just an unnecessary step to sex. Other lovers crave kissing their partner and find kissing as a way of bonding and as a form of foreplay.

Yes, I broke up with them because they didn’t know how to kiss. Two incompatible kissers are like trying to put a square peg in a round hole, it’s just not going to work out right. Things can become even worse when your partner believes they are a good kisser and wants to kiss all the time. Thus, torture ensues. For educational purposes, the following are the five most commonly kissing mistakes people make.

1. Yes, too much tongue is a bad thing. Stop suffocating your lover with your tongue and stop licking all over the corers of their mouths. Liberal use of tongue is good, but too much is excessive.

2. If someone is kissing you kiss them back. Their is nothing worse than kissing someone who doesn’t kiss back. It feels as if you are kissing a dead person.

3. Too much kissing is not a good thing, even if you are a really good kisser. Kissing is should  be used to seduce, entice, and arouse your partner into bigger and better horizontal bedroom activities. So peck, smooch, kiss and move on to the next.

4. Ummm are you trying to eat me? This one is pretty self explanatory. Use your lips, feel with your tongue, only bite when prompted.

5. If your breath is so bad that your teeth move out the way when you speak, it is impossible for you to be a good kisser. Lovers, freshen up a bit and use those mints prior to engaging in kissing.

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