Psycho-Chick Self-Defense: For Men

Posted on: March 19, 2012

Approximately 835,000 men yearly are victims of domestic violence, and this doesn’t include the unreported cases. This blog is intended for those men who have been victims of domestic violence in the past or feel they are in a relationship with a volatile woman, also known as psycho-chick. This blog is dearly needed because, as lovers of psycho-chicks, us men all know that our psycho-chicks generally like to start fights with us, beat us up, but then will go to the police and act like they themselves are the victim. The following self-defense techniques for men will help prevent physical confrontation between psycho-chicks and their man.

Deescalation Techniques

It is highly recommended that you consider deescalating the situation, especially when the psycho-chic is bigger than you, or she can simply beat you up.

The Audience Is Listening – If you are in public consider yourself lucky because you have an audience and subsequently witnesses. But, beware of the embarrassment that will ensuse when someone posts the video on youtube or worldstarhiphop. In public it is best to not further embarrass yourself by keeping quiet and simply nodding.

Shutting up – In her active stage of psychosis and rage, what ever words come out of your mouth she is gonna believe is a lie. So, you might just want to let her talk herself out, and have her get everything off of her chest. At this time there are some safety tips to be aware of. Beaware of the personal space between you two. A general rule of safety is 3 feet, anything closer than that and you are in the danger zone. Also, Beaware of her fingers and her finger pointing. As women go off on their man they like to point and wave their fingers in the man’s face.  Be aware of accidental eye pokes, and of a woman’s favorite finger attack which is pushing the forhead back with the finger.

Counter Techniques

Splish Splash – Make sure the water is cold and throw water on her. This technique is best used after she has already started to physically assault you. The water will momentarily disable her and put her in a state of shock, wondering if you really just threw cold water on her. After a few seconds of shock she will be initially be more angry than before but she will be so focused on how messed up her hair got that she will leave the room to find the nearest mirror.  This gives you time to flee the vicinity.

Retreating Techniques

Room Run – After a few blows from the psycho, you will feel an urge to hit her back but please refrain. Run to the nearest room, preferably one with a TV so you wont be bored, and lock the door. Do not leave the room until said psycho chick is in a stable manner.

Dinner Table Dance – Since 69% of all violent arguments between psycho chicks and their man occurs in the kitchen, there is most likely a dinner table near by. If your psycho chick runs after you you may use the dinner table as a barrier to create distance between you and her. Be sure to stay directly across from the table from her and be prepared to duck from anything she may throw at you.

Distractions Techniques:

That’s my show – This technique wont work for normal woman but for psycho women it is very effective. She will become distracted by the tv and eventually her anger will subside. If you feel this is an effective for yourself save her favorite shows on your DVR for this specific situation. Depending on the length of the show and how mad your psycho-chick is, you may need to combine this techniques with another distraction technique or retreat technique.

That’s our song – When this technique is used her anger will slowly turn into tears. She will still be angry at but will not be violent. She will slowly remember why she fell in love with you and be more open to normal arguing than fighting. If she begins to sing you know the technique has worked effectively.

As daters of psycho-chicks we must be prepared for any ratchet consequence that may possibly ensue.


1 Response to "Psycho-Chick Self-Defense: For Men"

Reblogged this on enutsians.

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