NotTheDonny

Posts Tagged ‘boyfriend

 

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Yeah I can love her again, but I would regret it

Sure I could love her but, I was rejected

So I forget it

So I leave it

So I let it rot and hope flies come eat it

She knows it

She sees it

But, she thinks I’m the same

Not today bitch, I’m winning this game

If only I had a gun you know where I would aim

… But that would be too easy

Im here to torture, I want to hear you scream

Im after you in your nightmares,  im killing your dreams

This is not just hate, this is revenge

Now its my turn to get on top and ascend

I don’t care where you end up now

I don’t care if you die

Don’t even care about your son

… and that used to be my guy

Fuck your goals, fuck pride

Fuck your shit,  Fuck this ride

I’m going to make sure that you don’t have a single thing

…and when you cry, it’s going to sound like angels sing

Fuck being the bettter man

I rather hate you all I can

Right up to the edge of insanity

Hoping that you never again feel vanity

Because your soul is cold and your heart is dark

You killed my dreams, kidnapped heart

Revenge is joy

Revenge is sweet

Oh,  here you come now dragging your fucking feet

What do you have to say?

What lie will you tell?

She says,  “Im sorry I know I belong in hell”

“You’ve done so much for me,  In love I wish I would’ve fell”

“But I used you and drained you dry… “,  as she leans on me and starts to cry…

Then I start to cry and realize that im stuck in this trap

Instead of avoiding it I just layed down in crap

Then rolled in it over and over

Shaking my head because I know it’s not over

It felt good to hate but, love is not easy to quit

Becareful who you love, she’ll have you trained like a dog, “SIT!”

rachel-and-spot

 

 

It’s supposed to go like this:  > Boy meets girl  >> Boy dates girl >>> Boy loves Girl >>>> Boy  lives happily ever-after with girl. As romantically ideal as this sounds, love life rarely works out this way. Sure the first 2 phases are fairly easy and the 3rd phase even occurs a few times in our lives but, that Happily Ever-After phase is as elusive as the Golden Child (only you Eddie Murphy fans will get this one). 

But, this isn’t going to be the usual blog about boy cheating on girl, or other reasons why love didn’t work out between two people. This blog is about one person not wanting love in their life, about someone not being ready for love.

The moment she said, “I love you” was the moment when things started to go down hill. She put this pressure on our relationship that I just wasn’t ready for. We went from “daters” to “lovers”, from “close friends” to “lovers”, from “boo’s” to “lovers”, and I just wasn’t comfortable with that. I wasn’t ready for that and I wasn’t having it. So I ran. I broke up with her because she loved me.

I broke up with her because I was selfish. But, not selfish in a negligible, inattentive way. I was selfish in a way where I simply wanted to put my needs first and foremost. I wanted to do what I wanted to do in life without it affecting anyone else’s feelings. I just wanted to do me.

I broke up with her because I have been in love before. I loved being in love but love was just not something I wanted again, at least for the moment. Being in love took up too much of my energy, thoughts, and emotions. I needed them all back for myself. I needed them back so that I could re-center myself,  reset,  and start over.

I broke up with her because I had other priorities, and at the time being in-love was not one of them. Being in-love was not even on my mind when she told me that she loved me. I was focused on my education, career, and goals. My priority was myself.

I broke up with her because I didn’t love myself. Wise-man says you can’t truly love  someone without loving yourself first. So I listened to the wise-man. I was finding myself, I was searching. I was learning myself, I was understanding. I was looking at myself in the mirror everyday. Looking at every hair, every wrinkle and every flaw. I wanted to love myself, just as much as she loved me.

I broke up with her because I wasn’t  ready to open up. I wasn’t ready to tell her my pain, or my passions. I wasn’t ready for her to see all of me, or the real me. I wanted to keep my secrets a secret.  I felt vulnerable. I wasn’t comfortable with that.

As time passed I did realize that I did love her too. But, I just wasn’t ready to. I often wonder if she still loves me true.

When Cupid’s arrow misses its mark and hits the person next to you, what do you do? Some will want take the  aggressive route, beat their chest and let themselves, and their feelings, be known. But, when Cupid’s magic is already in process this chest beating does nothing, and may even have an opposite intended effect.

When love is already in process sometimes you just have to let love run it’s course and WAIT. Sometimes you have to wait your turn. At the same time, sometimes the one you want isn’t ready to love you back. For what ever reason, their mindset and energy is not ready for what you have to offer, even if you know it is exactly what they want and need.

In order for someone to love us back they have to be ready to love. Their own mind has to be clear, their heart has to be open and their energy thriving.  Sometimes it’s not that they don’t see us in the light of love, it’s just that their spotlight is shining on other things. Yes, sometimes their spotlight can be on someone else but, sometimes the spotlight is simply completely unfocused with it’s glare spread across many different things.

WAITING IS NOT GIVING UP. After all waiting is an action verb. Waiting can be used as a form of what Not The Donny likes to call subconscious courting. With the intended target’s spotlight unfocused on us, we can slowly guide to light our way by being a friend, or by saying the occasional hello,  by simply listening when they speak or by merely being in their presence. By doing so our target will slowly get to know us and see what we are all about. They will get to know our personality, what type of friend we are, what type of person and even how we love. They will become naturally comfortable around us. As the light shines brighter on us, it is then up to us to recognize the right time to beat our chest.

Lovers, Waiting is not giving up!

“I broke up with them because…” is Not The Donny’s new blog series that will delve into various factors that contributed to a breakup. In this inaugural article, I broke up with them because they  didn’t know how to kiss.

Kissing is important. So important that Philematologists (people who study kissing) have created an area of science called philematology to study it. Kissing is seemingly simple yet it can communicate many different things and can evoke many different emotions. The way we kiss someone let’s them know how much we care for them and how close, and intimate we feel. Kissing can evoke feelings of love, passion, or sex.  Some lovers think that kissing is overrated and just an unnecessary step to sex. Other lovers crave kissing their partner and find kissing as a way of bonding and as a form of foreplay.

Yes, I broke up with them because they didn’t know how to kiss. Two incompatible kissers are like trying to put a square peg in a round hole, it’s just not going to work out right. Things can become even worse when your partner believes they are a good kisser and wants to kiss all the time. Thus, torture ensues. For educational purposes, the following are the five most commonly kissing mistakes people make.

1. Yes, too much tongue is a bad thing. Stop suffocating your lover with your tongue and stop licking all over the corers of their mouths. Liberal use of tongue is good, but too much is excessive.

2. If someone is kissing you kiss them back. Their is nothing worse than kissing someone who doesn’t kiss back. It feels as if you are kissing a dead person.

3. Too much kissing is not a good thing, even if you are a really good kisser. Kissing is should  be used to seduce, entice, and arouse your partner into bigger and better horizontal bedroom activities. So peck, smooch, kiss and move on to the next.

4. Ummm are you trying to eat me? This one is pretty self explanatory. Use your lips, feel with your tongue, only bite when prompted.

5. If your breath is so bad that your teeth move out the way when you speak, it is impossible for you to be a good kisser. Lovers, freshen up a bit and use those mints prior to engaging in kissing.

Lovers, on our lonely nights when we don’t feel like sleeping alone who is the first person you think about calling. More than likely the answer is an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. We all are guilty of doing it. We all even want and crave it from time to time. But, what makes ex-sex so good? What makes us want to make get-it-on with someone we broke up with and really can’t stand being around for very long? NotTheDonny tries to explain below.

Comfort – Having sex with someone we know and have had sex with many times before is far more comfortable and easier than with someone new.

Familiarity – We are already familiar with our ex’s  body, sexual habits and their bedrooms. We know how they kiss and their favorite position.  More importantly they are also familiar with our’s.

Safety – If we were smart, we already know what our ex has and doesn’t have. So no future crabby surprises, hopefully.

No Expectations – OK maybe just one expectation and that is sex. Besides that you know where you stand relationship wise (hopefully), and both know that there is going to be no drama in the morning.

Passion – Although only for a brief moment,  we get to relive a moment of passion that once existed between you two. Although short lived, this passion satisfies us both physically and emotionally, and may be just what the doctor ordered.

Let’s get straight to the point. By definition trust issues is the lack of trust a person has in a relationship. Many of us Lovers have trust issues. Only few of us know how to deal with it and conquer it.

This lack of trust is generally developed from a past negative experience with trust. The key to conquering trust issues is to first realizing that the issue is within us, and not in our partner. So we must first deal with our inner emotions that create this feeling of lack of trust. Rather than deal with our inner emotions, most of us will turn to our partner and for example say, “Hey, I have trust issues so don’t cheat on me.” But, whether or not our partner cheats on us will not necessarily affect our inner emotions and the way we feel. It is ideal for us to only have trust issues when we rationally suspect, or have experienced, infidelity in our relationship. Trust issues in a relationship becomes problematic when there is no infidelity, or when trust issues prevent us from committing to a relationship, especially with some deserving person.

Trust issues itself is not an emotion. It is a thought that we have. But, trust issues is developed from negative emotions. For most of us we develop trust issues because we are SCARED (an emotion). We are scared to be cheated on, and scared to trust another person. Breaking it down even further, we are scared because we have been HURT (another emotion). Some of us have been hurt from infidelity in a previous relationship, or maybe have felt the trauma from our parents or close friends who have experience infidelity.

This emotional hurt is the core emotion that we must conquer and resolve in order to be able to regain our our trust in our romantic partners. How we go about doing this is  not so simple. Depending on each Lover’s personal experience, personality, and temperament there are many different courses to take. Some examples will be given in a later blog. The importance here, and what was hopefully learned, is that our issues are truly our very own and not anyone else’s. To look to someone else for answers is to look in the wrong place. As tough and as  vulnerable as it may make us feel, we must look deep within ourselves and almost relive the hurt in order to move on. Rather than putting up our defenses and simply deflecting the hurt with a closed door, we must invite it in, sit with it, and talk to it. It is not until we come to a complete understanding of this hurt, that we may then consciously ask it to leave and thus be free from it.

Lovers we each have the capacity within ourselves to overcome our own trust issues.

If you are reading this blog article you have clearly had sex on a first date before or are comtemplating it in the near future. For those of you who have, I would like to congratulate you for thinking out of the box and living in the moment. For those of you who are contemplating some first date loving or for those of you who feel guilty for doing it in the past, this blog is intended to give you the benefits behind first date sex.

As a caveat, let me start off by saying that first date sex is not the same as one night stands. Although not necessarily a bad thing (which will be explained in a later blog), the difference between the two is that in a one night stand sex occurs after briefly meeting a random person whom we hope to never see again. During first date sex some courting is invlovled and the initial intention is to develop a possible relationship. Below are reasons to get-it-in on the first date:

First date sex is not a relationship killer. It infact can be the opposite. You can build instant chemistry with someone that can be a catalyst for a relationship in the future.

For many of us getting-the-draws is the goal of date. Like any good friend, parent, or pastor will tell you, reach for your goals!

A lot of information comes from first date sex. Aside from the sexual information, we can tell how much fun we can have with a person, how open they can be, how adventurous and whether or not they snore.

Having sex on the first date is like farting on the first date. Be open, be yourself and test the waters.

Less time is wasted when you have first date sex. We instantly know what we are getting ourselves into, in-terms of the bedroom. Yes they say that waiting keeps the challenge going but, why not complete the challenge as soon as possible?

So go ahead ladies and gentlemen go to that dinner, watch that movie and culminate the night with sex.


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