NotTheDonny

Posts Tagged ‘sex

 

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Yeah I can love her again, but I would regret it

Sure I could love her but, I was rejected

So I forget it

So I leave it

So I let it rot and hope flies come eat it

She knows it

She sees it

But, she thinks I’m the same

Not today bitch, I’m winning this game

If only I had a gun you know where I would aim

… But that would be too easy

Im here to torture, I want to hear you scream

Im after you in your nightmares,  im killing your dreams

This is not just hate, this is revenge

Now its my turn to get on top and ascend

I don’t care where you end up now

I don’t care if you die

Don’t even care about your son

… and that used to be my guy

Fuck your goals, fuck pride

Fuck your shit,  Fuck this ride

I’m going to make sure that you don’t have a single thing

…and when you cry, it’s going to sound like angels sing

Fuck being the bettter man

I rather hate you all I can

Right up to the edge of insanity

Hoping that you never again feel vanity

Because your soul is cold and your heart is dark

You killed my dreams, kidnapped heart

Revenge is joy

Revenge is sweet

Oh,  here you come now dragging your fucking feet

What do you have to say?

What lie will you tell?

She says,  “Im sorry I know I belong in hell”

“You’ve done so much for me,  In love I wish I would’ve fell”

“But I used you and drained you dry… “,  as she leans on me and starts to cry…

Then I start to cry and realize that im stuck in this trap

Instead of avoiding it I just layed down in crap

Then rolled in it over and over

Shaking my head because I know it’s not over

It felt good to hate but, love is not easy to quit

Becareful who you love, she’ll have you trained like a dog, “SIT!”

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It’s just like PTSD

Love can cause trauma when there’s infidelity

They cheated on you while you were busy loving them

Naive,  now sorry that u even meet them

You gave them everything and some more

Even bought them everything in the damn store

Dont know whether to hate them or yourself

They took everything away from you that you considered wealth

Trust,  loyalty,  intimacy,  support

But they rejected you,  like lebron did iggy on the court

Now lost emotionally witbout emotions

You sit alone at the beach alone with the oceans

Your  breath feels heavy,  you cry dry tears

Because you cried so much its only been a week but, it felt like years

First time you ever felt like dying

Now, as you lay alone crying

What to do now,  you just don’t fucking know

Thought you had a plan and was ready to go….

But the plane crashed in tragedy

Now the destination’s unknown

Every 5 minutes u stare and check the stupid phone

Waiting for a call that will never, ever come

An apology,  a good excuse, a misunderstanding

But,  everything was perfectly understood

Fact is,  they don’t love you and probably never did

They don’t love any more, you too wish you never did

Who knew love could cause trauma

Who knew love could kill

Who knew love could be used by the devil, to break someones will

Your heart needs a cast

Your brain wants to forget

You want to stop thinking about the revenge u want to get

Who knew love could cause trauma

Who knew a life could turn mute

Who knew love could kill

Who knew love could just drive by and shoot

Your hands are up and for once you welcome death

Would rather have that than taking another crying breath

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They didn’t eat sushi. They didn’t eat Indian. They didn’t eat Greek. Their idea of eating something new was trying that new Dorritos taco from Taco Bell. Yes, I broke up them because: they didn’t eat sushi.

Before you think I’m crazy allow me to explain. Sushi to me represented much more than spicy tuna and rainbow rows. It represented being open minded and willing to try something different, new, and unique. The key word here is “TRY”, and they wouldn’t even entertain the idea of introducing themselves to a new taste as if they could never say bye to it. But, it wasn’t just taste buds we are talking here. They were just so stuck in their ways and refused to ever go out of her comfort zone. They wouldn’t want to travel to unfamiliar cities, try new sporting activities, see a new up and coming band, or even go beyond the 3 generic sex positions (doggy, cowgirl, and missionary).

Anything I suggested new was immediately dismissed like a 5’2” guy in the club. As soon as they heard the word “TRY” in a sentence they cringed and and would say, “You know I don’t do things like that.” Things like what!? Eat? Explore? Adventure? Do something different? It’s not even like I wasn’t going to pay for everything either.

Sometimes you just have to spice things up in a relationship and try new things. Sometimes it’s just good to go on a little adventure and get out of your comfort zone. Sometimes you just want to try a new sexual position just to say you have done it before.

Lovers, spice things up a bit. Try that new exotic restaurant. Travel to somewhere where they don’t speak English or have a McDonalds. Watch that kinky porn and do whatever they do in it.  Have fun. Doing the same things over in a relationship makes a relationship boring and stagnant. You always want to look for new things to do together to help keep the love juices flowing and fresh. Keep watering your relationship. The saying goes “the grass is always greener on the other side” but, this is only true when you stop watering and fertilizing your very own side.

Sex is every man’s kriptonite and every woman has the power.  But, women have quickly given up the power they once had over supermen and are finding sex just as weakening. The playing field is pretty much even at this point and sex is just a strong a motivating force for women as the bible itself. 

Sex affects us mentally, physically, and emotionally. We get horny (mentally) , get  hard, and/or wet (physical). We ejaculate and orgasm (physical) and then all we want to do is cuddle afterwards for emotional comfort.

Sex affects our actions, decisions, and how we treat others. Sex affects our decisions of what we do, what clothes we buy, where we go for fun, and how much money we spend. Sex also affects how we treat others. We all have to be honest with ourselves and admit that when we are attracted to someone we are a lot more friendlier, outgoing, and put up with more shit.

Sex affects what type of person we are, how much we are in love, and how much we are willing to take. The more sexual a person is,  the more they are considered to be a risk taker and spontaneous. I’m sure we all can agree that good sex makes falling in love and sustaining love that much more easier. In addition, let us not forget the power of make-up sex in a relationship.

Sex helps us get jobs and promotions, and can also cause us to lose our jobs. It doesn’t hurt to be pretty in the professional word. Looks can mean a lot when you are standing in a boardroom representing a company, or modeling for a product. Getting caught up sleeping with co-workers or in sex scandals has caused many, such as politicians, to lose jobs and end careers.

Sex affects what we buy, what we watch, and who we follow on twitter. We buy things, such as cars, clothes, underwear, that make us look sexier. We love watching sexuality or pretty people on tv and in movies. Moreover, we all have that one twitter crush that we follow and who we don’t even know in real life.

Sex affects how much we love ourselves and how much we think our lovers love us. Some of us gain personal confidence and self esteem from how our sexual organs look and how good of a lover we think we are. We also think our lovers love us even more when we can satisfy them sexually and knock their socks off.

Sex even affects conservatives, nuns, and virgins. They are all using energy in order to stop their natural, physiological urges. They drive around everyday in cities like LA and see the billboard advertisements and have to pray to the spirits above for forgiveness for looking at skin and thinking of skin. Ok, maybe not.

The familiar old adage is that, “Sex Sells”. As true as this may be sex does a lot more than sell. Sex motivates, inspires,  guides, and empowers. It’s perfectly OK to be weakened by the force of sex as long as we are aware of what is making us weak. The knowledge of what makes us weak can only make us stronger.

It’s supposed to go like this:  > Boy meets girl  >> Boy dates girl >>> Boy loves Girl >>>> Boy  lives happily ever-after with girl. As romantically ideal as this sounds, love life rarely works out this way. Sure the first 2 phases are fairly easy and the 3rd phase even occurs a few times in our lives but, that Happily Ever-After phase is as elusive as the Golden Child (only you Eddie Murphy fans will get this one). 

But, this isn’t going to be the usual blog about boy cheating on girl, or other reasons why love didn’t work out between two people. This blog is about one person not wanting love in their life, about someone not being ready for love.

The moment she said, “I love you” was the moment when things started to go down hill. She put this pressure on our relationship that I just wasn’t ready for. We went from “daters” to “lovers”, from “close friends” to “lovers”, from “boo’s” to “lovers”, and I just wasn’t comfortable with that. I wasn’t ready for that and I wasn’t having it. So I ran. I broke up with her because she loved me.

I broke up with her because I was selfish. But, not selfish in a negligible, inattentive way. I was selfish in a way where I simply wanted to put my needs first and foremost. I wanted to do what I wanted to do in life without it affecting anyone else’s feelings. I just wanted to do me.

I broke up with her because I have been in love before. I loved being in love but love was just not something I wanted again, at least for the moment. Being in love took up too much of my energy, thoughts, and emotions. I needed them all back for myself. I needed them back so that I could re-center myself,  reset,  and start over.

I broke up with her because I had other priorities, and at the time being in-love was not one of them. Being in-love was not even on my mind when she told me that she loved me. I was focused on my education, career, and goals. My priority was myself.

I broke up with her because I didn’t love myself. Wise-man says you can’t truly love  someone without loving yourself first. So I listened to the wise-man. I was finding myself, I was searching. I was learning myself, I was understanding. I was looking at myself in the mirror everyday. Looking at every hair, every wrinkle and every flaw. I wanted to love myself, just as much as she loved me.

I broke up with her because I wasn’t  ready to open up. I wasn’t ready to tell her my pain, or my passions. I wasn’t ready for her to see all of me, or the real me. I wanted to keep my secrets a secret.  I felt vulnerable. I wasn’t comfortable with that.

As time passed I did realize that I did love her too. But, I just wasn’t ready to. I often wonder if she still loves me true.

When Cupid’s arrow misses its mark and hits the person next to you, what do you do? Some will want take the  aggressive route, beat their chest and let themselves, and their feelings, be known. But, when Cupid’s magic is already in process this chest beating does nothing, and may even have an opposite intended effect.

When love is already in process sometimes you just have to let love run it’s course and WAIT. Sometimes you have to wait your turn. At the same time, sometimes the one you want isn’t ready to love you back. For what ever reason, their mindset and energy is not ready for what you have to offer, even if you know it is exactly what they want and need.

In order for someone to love us back they have to be ready to love. Their own mind has to be clear, their heart has to be open and their energy thriving.  Sometimes it’s not that they don’t see us in the light of love, it’s just that their spotlight is shining on other things. Yes, sometimes their spotlight can be on someone else but, sometimes the spotlight is simply completely unfocused with it’s glare spread across many different things.

WAITING IS NOT GIVING UP. After all waiting is an action verb. Waiting can be used as a form of what Not The Donny likes to call subconscious courting. With the intended target’s spotlight unfocused on us, we can slowly guide to light our way by being a friend, or by saying the occasional hello,  by simply listening when they speak or by merely being in their presence. By doing so our target will slowly get to know us and see what we are all about. They will get to know our personality, what type of friend we are, what type of person and even how we love. They will become naturally comfortable around us. As the light shines brighter on us, it is then up to us to recognize the right time to beat our chest.

Lovers, Waiting is not giving up!


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